mom guilt

It didn't take me long to see that Kyle was missing out on something.
It didn't take me long to see that I was the different Mom.
It didn't take me long to see that I was the only Mom who didn't have their kid in preschool.

Is it even called preschool if they are only 3yrs old??

We have been here for right about a month now. And it seems like every one who has a kid who is 3yrs old is already going to school. I keep getting asked if Kyle goes to school. I actually have started to feel a little, tiny, tiny bit guilty saying "no, he doesn't, he stays home with me".

I've started worrying that he's going to feel left out when he does start school. Or that he'll be behind because he was home with his Mama instead of being with an more educated person.

*sigh*

I know there's no right or wrong in this situation.
It's just a parent's choice.
But, why do I feel a little bit of guilt?
He's only a little boy for such a short time, right?
He has the rest of his life to go to school.


For now, I think he's okay staying home with me, even if the guilt does come and go.

No regrets.

Plus, if he went to school, I would never have these million and one adorable pictures of my handsome little man!

big heart

One day while I was on the treadmill at the gym, I looked up to see my baby (or as he says "Mama, me not a baby, me a KID!") boy really close to tears. He was trying to hold his tears back and his eyes were watery. I immediately slowed down and asked him what was wrong. My first thought was that he somehow got hurt. When I asked him again what was the matter, he said "the kitty drowned and died". I looked over at the movie that was playing on the TV and saw that these two dogs were trying to save the little kitten. I asked him what happened to the kitty and he told me that it got hit by a wave and drowned. I got off the treadmill and tried to get him to come to me, because at this point the tears were ever-so-slowly falling down his cheeks. I looked back at the TV and an old man had come and rescued the drowning kitten. I eventually got Kyle to look at the TV (he kept telling me no, the kitty died) and see that the kitty was okay. When my little boy realized the kitten didn't die, his face lit up.

Oh, that boy warms my heart! Kyle is so loving and he has such a big heart - doesn't matter if it's a person or an animal. I'm so thankful that he gives me these little reminders. Reminders to be more loving, to be more compassionate. To be more like Him.


**this is the second time an animal dying has gotten to him, read about it here**

My Jesus, I Love Thee

~My Jesus, I love thee, I know thou art mine;

for thee all the follies of sin I resign.

My gracious Redeemer, my Savior art thou;

if ever I loved thee, my Jesus, 'tis now.

~I love thee because thou hast first loved me,

and purchased my pardon on Calvary's tree;

I love thee for wearing the thorns on thy brow;

if ever I loved thee, my Jesus, 'tis now.

~In mansions of glory and endless delight;

I'll ever adore thee in heaven so bright;

I'll sing with the glittering crown on my brow;

if ever I loved thee, my Jesus, 'tis now.

William R. Featherstone

Uh-oh!

I understand that people have different parenting techniques. I understand that some parents choose to not spank, and some are big supporters of spankin's. But, what I don't understand is when a child does something wrong and the parent doesn't do anything about it!

I was at the gym today, and this little girl (probably a month or two older than Leah) colored on the wall. As her Mom was getting ready to leave, she noticed the marks. All she did was ask her daughter if she "uh-oh'd". HUH!? Do what!? The little girl nodded her head. She knew what she did, and she knew it wasn't okay. I think I was running with my mouth open when she said that and then carried on. I was kinda baffled by the fact that she didn't do anything. No talk about why we don't color on walls (especially not our own) or anything!

I really try to stay away from spanking my kids in public, thankfully we don't have to deal with that too often. But, when we do, you bet they get talked to (not in a sweet, pipey voice either) and if they don't cooperate, we go straight to the car to give them a you-know-what.

I know the little girl wasn't even two. But all I could think about was that if she lets her daughter get away with something so small like that, what about when she's older and she vandalizes someone's property with spray paint. Is she going to ask her daughter then if she "uh-oh'd"?!?

Thank you for your prayers, but Brandon's Great Grandma passed away last night. She was more than ready to go on. I don't think I have ever known anyone who has passed away before. It's really sad that she is gone. But, I think what is more sad is that I don't know if she went to Heaven. She was a great woman and a great grandma, I would like to think she did. I am kind of fearful to find out. She will be missed!

I tried my best to explain to Kyle that Granny Mac is now gone. Just this morning he has asked me if Obachan (my Mom) and his Grandma (Brandon's Mom) has died. Explaining death to a 3yr old is kinda hard, but I felt that he needed to know, especially since he actually knows and remembers her. We showed him pictures of him and Granny Mac and tried to tell him that she is gone. He told us we had to get on an airplane and go see her. *sigh* :(

Thankful

A week before Christmas, my vehicle started acting retarded and finally wouldn't start. The hubby couldn't figure the problem out. We changed a few parts and still nothing. On Christmas Eve, my husband talked to a guy at Advance Auto Parts and he told us that he had the same problem with his vehicle. He told Brandon to clean a tube and it should work, if not, replace it. So, Brandon bought a $5 can of cleaning stuff, cleaned the tube and what do you know?. our Blazer started up just fine!!!!!! We probably spent about $100 trying to find the problem! At least now the other parts are brand new, right? I sometimes forget how much I have to be thankful for.

-I am thankful that we didn't end up spending more than $100 to fix the Blazer.
-I am thankful that it wasn't anything serious.
-I am thankful for the man who told my husband what could be the problem.
-I am thankful that we even have two vehicles to drive around in.
-I am thankful for a husband who knows a few things about vehicles and can fix problems when they arise.

God is good. Sometimes we need a problem or two to remind us of that.

Almost-Wordless Wednesday - Wreck

Check out other Wordless Wednesday photos at 5minutesformom!

**We were not involved in this wreck at all. It just happened down the street from our house. Sadly, the driver did not survive the wreck. Recently, there have been quite a few car accidents on this highway and it just reminds me that our lives can be taken at any moment. It is a scary thought to think that we could be in one of these accidents and not make it, but the comforting part for me, is that I know where I am going after life on earth. Do you? **

Thoughts

Brandon posted this in a bulletin on MySpace, I thought it was great so I wanted to share it here.

Since the Democrats are taking over the White House and Congress the military probably wont get a raise for the next 8 years or more. Inflation will continue to go up, but we will get next to nothing for an annual raise. So I will be standing next to some of my military buddies in the welfare line in the next few years. Dont get me wrong, I think its great that America was able to elect an African American as President, but to me it has always been about the issues. If it would have been a conservative republican African American I would have gladly cast my vote for him. I am just curious to see how many of the Obama Movement hopes and dreams will actually come true. Maybe the redistribution of wealth will work out for me, but I sure would be ticked off if I worked hard my whole life to become wealthy only to find out that this wanna be Robin Hood character is going to take my money and give it to the poor. Call me crazy, but I am still hoping that some day we can ban abortion all together and that is never going to happen under a Democratic Washington. There are more reasons why I didnt want Obama to be our next President, but this ranting has gone on long enough.

One of those days

Some days I feel like a complete failure as a Mom.
Today has been one of those days.
Some days I believe in the "terrible twos" and some days I think they don't exist.
Today was definitely a believing day.
No matter how many times I threatened, yelled, or spanked, it didn't matter.
And after it was all said and done, I ended up feeling SO guilty for having raised my voice.
I can say "sorry" all I want.
But, actions speak louder than words.
It's just been one of those days.
And now I have to ask/beg/pray to God that He will give me another day.
Another day to try harder. To try better.

Questions

Am I forgetting something?
How will I use the bathroom while holding Leah?
Will Kyle freak out when I flush the LOUD airplane toilet?
How will we will all fit in the airplane's bathrom?!
Will we have to run to catch our next flight? (only a 45min layover)
Will the kids behave or will they be cranky?
Did I pack enough snacks for us?
Are we going to have a friendly person sitting next to us, who won't mind Kyle's constant talking and Leah's need to be constantly attached to my breasts?
Are my suitcases going to be lost? Because, you know, my coupons are in my suitcase and I just can't lose those!!!!!!

So many questions running through my head. Please pray that we have smooth and safe flights to California!! Thanks in advance =)